Giving your in-laws away
How do I choose a guardian for my children? It is a big question, a question you hope will be academic and yet it is important to get this right. In March we are looking at the questions that you should ask yourself when making this decision.
Have you ever thought that when you choose a guardian you are giving them in-laws? Even if they are a family member they are still inheriting the other side of the family. If the potential guardian isn’t a member of either side of your family, then you are giving them two sets of in-laws.
Think about how you can positively contribute to that relationship. Again they don’t have to be second best friends, and you don’t even have to invite them all around for joint dinners, but how can you speak to each of them about the other in a positive fashion? What information can you leave for either, perhaps in your letter of wishes, that will help? You can also use your child’s email account, e.g. here is a photo of you gardening with your Aunt, I have a black thumb but you love doing this with her.
Can you talk to the person about those differences, or will they get defensive? If you can't talk to them about the differences then your children won't be able to.
But I have already chosen the guardian for my children?
Great, you should still think through this topic. Your in-laws are in your life and in your children’s life, even if you separate from your spouse. If you are the storyteller in the relationship then it will fall to you to remember these events, these things that the kids do with their family, and to record those stories for their benefit. That is good for the kids, and it will help you too in your ongoing dealings with the extended family.
Estate Planning is overwhelming
Preparing a Will when you have children comes with a lot of decisions, who should be the guardian for my children, what should I tell them, should they control the kids' trust, should they be a beneficiary of the trust, should I tell my family who I have chosen, should I tell my kids? What is a letter of wishes and how does it apply to my kids? Many of the steps we will talk about can be done by you, once you know why and how.
What if your kids are older, can you appoint a guardian for a 17 year old, or a 20 year old? What age should they be before they get the money? What if they need the money before that point?
Would you like to join my free Facebook group where we are discussing all of this, and I have provided a checklist to help you to work through all of the decisions yourself.