Location
How do I choose a guardian for my children? It is a big question, a question you hope will be academic and yet it is important to get this right. In March we are looking at the questions that you should ask yourself when making this decision.
While these decisions are all incredibly personal and each decision is unique, I take an unusual position on this. I actually don’t think this question is as important as the other questions.
Of course, a child’s extended family and friend network is key and important and so I still ask this question, but being comfortable with their new parents and being in a home where they feel comfortable and supported is far more important than them remaining in the same suburb.
Being in a home where the parenting style is fundamentally different, where the school style chosen for them is quite new to them, and where they don’t get along with the guardian’s extended family would (in my humble opinion) be more jarring to them than moving to another suburb or even another state or country. Now of course everyone will tell you that they would honour your parenting style, choose a similar (or same) school and extracurricular activities and that their extended family would love your children ‘as their own’ but you need to have a good, hard, realistic think about all of those things.
However if one of the families you naturally gel with lives closer to you, or to your extended family than another person on your short list then yes, location matters. I am just asking you not to give location more weight than it deserves.
But I have already chosen a guardian?
Even if you have already chosen a guardian I still want you to think through this topic. Firstly you could talk to the guardian about why you have chosen them, because of or in spite of the location.
Secondly, and more relevantly if you don’t die and the guardian is never needed that doesn’t mean you cannot encourage each other. Listening to each other and encouraging each other is good for both of you, as well as good preparation in case something ever happens to you. Tell your friend that you would love to hear about why they live where they live, and not somewhere else. By listening to and encouraging your friend you also help yourself.
Estate Planning is overwhelming
Preparing a Will when you have children comes with a lot of decisions, who should be the guardian for my children, what should I tell them, should they control the kids' trust, should they be a beneficiary of the trust, should I tell my family who I have chosen, should I tell my kids? What is a letter of wishes and how does it apply to my kids? Many of the steps we will talk about can be done by you, once you know why and how.
What if your kids are older, can you appoint a guardian for a 17 year old, or a 20 year old? What age should they be before they get the money? What if they need the money before that point?
Would you like to join my free Facebook group where we are discussing all of this, and I have provided a checklist to help you to work through all of the decisions yourself.